Sweet Secrets

My Thoughts to Pen

2006-05-31T06:00:00.000-07:00

Hasn't been in here for a long time guess only here den i can say or pen down wat is my feelin recently....it's like life is going a turn from bad to worst loh or else can't be good rite???? first of all is woman problems cos i suddenlty bleed easily worri dunno wat's wrong inside as whenever i make love i wil bleed ....after spenting a good sum of money the result is okay nothing wrong with it as the cervix is very fragile n thin so dat y bleed easily as my partner must hv be to harsh on me....next is my younger son result was terribler poor til i was up sad with myself instead of him although i cane him but each time i lay down my stoke on him it hurt me more den anything guess i cry like hell til my eyes reali like pada ....wouldn't get back to my norm self for days i guess as was thinking wanna sent him to c the psychiatrist doc as wori dunno he is like stan his brother who's a Dyslexia kid but accordingly to my own judgement sam can read well n also dun hv the problems of recognizing words so in my heart i reali doubt ???? den follow by financial problems all this all wasn't as bad as my brother is seeking a separation with the wife due to third pty as understand he had an affair with a china gal .....wondering wat had gone wrong all me as all of the sudden trying to digest so many prombles at one go???? i wil go nuts loh dat for sure ....The best thing is i'm in the service line everyday gonna face ppl around me in order not to show them any sign of being depressed i gonna put on my happy mask for 8 to 9 hrs during my working time....i begin to hate GOD y on earth he must create human being on earth n den y can't he let the ppl he created live happily forever n ever y must he give as so much problems to encounter n need to solve it like doing study gonna do maths n solve the problems sum dat sort loh....can't human being hv simple lifestyle will do?????

Sunday (raining day)

2006-01-08T07:25:00.000-08:00

The rain didn't stop since last nite it started raining ....my mood also swing to as wat the weather is hm...is kind of moody n uncertain feeling thus gal n samuel willingly to follow me go shopping for cny stuff ....guess i more concern of getting their new clothings pants n so on....not so much of myself la! lucky gal friend wil fetch us back when we finish our shopping so after all not too bad can go out n hv fresh air instead of staying at home...Thus i wasn't feeling well cos of the asthma attack this morning after i was coughing badly but i believe after taken the medicine it shall be better ....well at least hv manage to get a few more clothing for samuel n only balance his shoe i hasn't get it for him...wil try to bring him out this coming weekend to get his shoes....gal n me brought nothing but bra again! well my hobbies collection ha! blush brand is very expensive but the quality is good with nice design n very refine in their material .....guess i gonna pen off now as promise to rest earli!

3rd day of the New Year

2006-01-03T05:50:00.000-08:00

The year didn't start off smooth which i wish too...not at work place dat for sure hm...hopefully is just only the start n den it will be wonderful thru out the year this is my wish ....there's alot of work n task to follow up this morning and i had completed two task at one go...dat's me when i'm at work i want my task to be completed the moment i reach my off duties timing although is kind of tired n stress but guess will rush home to rest well as promise ....didn't sleep last nite cos reach home late almost to 1:30am by the time finish shower is 2 plus worst is my hubby still wanna watch tv programm til abt 3:30am den he decided to sleep....couldn't sleep dat for sure cos mind still thinking abt the issue of the owner nephew Ah Heng is trying to create problems at the business place so as the business can't sail smoothly even the sale has pick up.... one reason is his aunty now happily came down and watch over the business in a way cos there are more n more customers coming back for this outlet due to the seasoning is back to the korean taste plus also sushi for buffet paying for only 10 bucks per person....another reason is he can't pocket as much money as he wish too any more cos the aunty is around during peak period example public holiday like this few day christmas n new year cos the buiness is so good ....in this business collecting cash is the best n faster to pocket extra money as nobody can tell where is the loop hole except me and simon know not surprise just one day itself can pocket at least a few hundred to thousand over of dollars so in a month time this extra cash is better salary den any other job n task dat a person can imagine .....is the same old trick as wat happens when we r with our partner ten over years ago and now seeing the owner Robin also fall into this trick with the so call his own ppl is kind of pityful n saddness.....hope he realise it fast enough to gain back his money....

Blue Christmas Day

2005-12-25T05:26:00.000-08:00

Wonder how many ppl in this world is like me hvin a blue blue Christmas cos fall sick again n gonna stay home alone....been sleeing almost the whole entire day til abt 6pm in he evening hvin alots of short dreams throughtout my sleep....when awake finding my surrounding is kind of dim even lights is on thus i didn't took med the whole day except last nite i took it at abt 1 plus in the earli morning before i sleep.......well wish by 2morrow i wil be back to my norm self again cos i hate to hv this kind of feelin of sleepy n unwell as if i'm very lifeless loh.....maybe i just need to rest so after this wil go back to my dreamland again!

Christmas Shopping

2005-12-21T07:09:00.000-08:00

well hasn't been shopping for the past few weeks but yesterday n today i 'm rushing my last mins christmas shopping for my love ones.....the only person dat i left out is my hubby cos still up sad with him the way he give me the treatment which i find is not fair to me ....why only know how to yell at me but not others?? is this so call my soulmate?? guess i dun need it if this is the only way he know how to treat me....at times i wonder wat ppl tell is coming true or not sice young whenver ppl look into my plam they always say i won't hv a happy marriage but i'm just too stubborn telling myself dat they r wrong cos i wil make my marriage successful nh prove to them dat they r wrong so all this years i just trying my best to hang on as a wife n as a mother to my 3 kids.....as years pass by it's reali very difficult to carry on with him this way cos it's getting meaningless in life just wonder how long i gonna suffer in this way just wori if one day i couldn't think straight i might thinking of suicide again....is kind of tired n feeling sickering living under the same roof with him loh.....at times seeing some husband know how to appreciates wife being working hard to build up the family with joy n happiness y he just dun???? just as the old folks saying when u hv it u dunno how to treasure it so when u lost it well is already too late....guess i need to pen off now!.

Finally Rest Day

2005-12-13T05:11:00.000-08:00

At last i hv my off day from both side full time job n my hubby business place....did some shopping cos need to but stuff for dinner tonite which we wil be hvin steamboat my favour however it been a while not eating with my kids feel alittle sori for them....wow i manage to buy alot of things for them to enjoy well guess this is wat a mother can do for her kids wanna see them happy n live healthy as day by day when they grow....i always wan to give them the best thing in the world whenever i can afford for them.....Stanley already get well from his chicken pox n start going out with friends even help out at his daddy business place during the weekends everyone there say he's a well behavior grow out boy plus good looking ha! guess he must be very happy just me.....well just wish everything is gonna be smooth n well as from now onwards....guess i wanna stop here now!

sick day

2005-11-24T20:10:00.000-08:00

was sick today n gonna rest home guess this few days too much happening all at one go....mind is filled with full of things to think abt the business at marina south.... plus the two boys who now hvin chicken pox thus both suffer the same sickness but it's so different Samuel didn't reali hv much chicken pox in his body but stanley was alot more den you can expected plus hvin very high fever the first few days can see he reali feeling very uncomfortable loh....my heart goes to him n also feelin sad too thus yesterday n today can see dat he is feelin much better now.... Thanks God!as for me this morning was hvin asthma attack guess due to last nite coughing the whole entire nite couldn't get up to take medicine first is my head is too heavy n with pain secondly is am too tired to get up even my hubby simon also too tired to notices me coughing the whole nite...my doc told me she never seem me hvin such bad attack during my asthma all this years immedateli she order the staff to put me on the machine to help me ease off the tightness n wheezing sound due to the asthma....well i'm use to it cos at time at home it happen too just dat i 'll use the machine to ease off the attack if it's very bad i dun reali like using it cos after i wil feel very weak n shaky til holding a pen to write also wil hv problems dat y if can i rather not using the machine for my asthma....wonder as time goes by the attack is going to be worst n serious or wat?? b4 i left the clinic doc keep tellin me to rest n try not to stress plus no cold drinks ! Ya guess i should take her advise la or else how am suppose to carry on walking down the path with my love ones rite?? thus still hvin headache n i did manage to nap for few hours n woke up finding myself stil feelin weak even holding phone to sms my hand is stil shaky i reali hate it....2morrow wil be back to work with heavy check-out on both floor wonder how am i going to complete my task n job hopefully by den in the morning my condition is better ....thus i hv a very understanding partner but stil is me dat i wanna complete my responsible of my duties b4 i pass over to him....

Confuse Stage

2005-11-16T19:20:00.000-08:00

laterly this few days was hvin a very terrible mood couldn't understand myself wat happen? Yesterday was the worst almong all....received call from my younger son sir tellin me he need to put him to art class cos he wasn't doing well at the sport class....i wonder where go wrong at home when his sis give him the assigment he done it very well with flying colour n den during school exam he done it badly....just told Simon his daddy if next year we can afford wil get him tuition asap....i cry very badly last nite after scolded him my younger son n do not wan to see his face n i told him get out from my sight....My elder son Stanley seen after his N level everyday like a living dead sleep til very late den get up do nothing but playing on computor or either watch tv programs didn't even bother to go look for some part time job or wat.....If my elder sister in law call den he wil be happily going with her to go shopping and dinning n forgot abt everything in the family....My gal is so call very busy in her project til she leave home as realy as 8 plus n won't be able to see her soul til almost 9 plus in the nite which almost time to bury herself in bed wonder is this a hotel room to her??....Thinkin over all this i cry even more loh wat kind of family do i reali hv now....guess i reali a failure n i hate myself i reali feel like drown myself into deep sleep n never ever wan to wake up again cos it reali hurting however there isn't any thing dat i'm looking forward plus there's no one to go to......wonder how things gonna be when we start busy working in marina south n raffle city as time come by.....at times i wonna was it my fault who hv given them such good life til they dun even hv any feelin or pitti their parent who need to work so hard to give them all the best in life....

Happy Day

2005-11-07T18:15:00.000-08:00

It been days dat i'm feelin tired n wori since my little Samuel hv the chicken pox guess also not hvin proper rest not til yesterday i hv a good sleep after doing the marketing with my hubby meet him at the dg mrt stn after i hv finish my work thus very reluctant of going but i dun hv e choices.....at least it pay off after seeing Samuel is eating well and lucky is not much of the chicken pox in his body except gonna answer alot of his questions abt the chicken pox la plus today can see him jumping n running at home as his normal self i'm more relief now....Well talking so much abt birdflu loh here is Sin leh not China Vietnam Thailand etc etc....but one thing i know if i got it i wil sure die cos my body resistant is very poor plus my nature of job i hv 2 meet guest the moment they check in on my floor or whenever they call 4 assistance cos this is my job scope well so i guess not only someone is in danger in his job me as well K! Anyway who cares til this moment of time we r still safe didn't hear of any happening yet.....wondering does happy day last long or only very short flames! Well life is very short wish i can be happy everyday den sad or raining day ( i mean crying)....Looking out of the window it's very windy n with some sun ray am feelin smooth with joys hope someone is also hvin the same feelin as i do ! Happiness in life is more important den anything else cos it's wasn't easy 2 come by......

Today Farm Sampling

2005-11-04T22:37:00.000-08:00

Today is a real easy day since we started taking routine samples from chickens within our controlled farm. But sad to say I am instructed to arm myself with my weapon together with one my assistant. First to enter the farm to clear any stray animals. Lucky for us none was spotted. 15 mins into our search, our team members entered and started taking samples from selective houses to detect any possible birdflu (H5N1). Came out around 1 plus had simple lunch and returned back to finish the task till 3 plus. While awaiting for the results to return from the laboratory some 1.2 km away. All I can have is my Mp3 player, coffee, biscuits, TV set from the farm monitoring news reporting of new outbreaks from Channel News Asia. As news read in the TV, mind was somewhere else and I knew someone is real wori. Our leader's instruction, when results are not fully returned to us...no communication to outsiders. This simple instruction have been reminded time and time again. All I can do is read the sms coming in. And at the same time wondering this so-called birdflu will ever step foot into our island. And if it does, how long will it takes us to overcome it and what will be the casualities like? To me, we will be the most risky group of people to be facing that tinny VIRUS....which none of us can see nor feel nor know. Now that I have to carry the weapon, will I ever need to use it again the next time? I have used it once and the memory of it stil within me. I know its hard but what can I do? I have to face it all and so the one waiting for me to return in good shape? I just wish it will never come and never needed for us to battle it through.

Urgent Leave

2005-11-04T15:30:00.000-08:00

Woke up at abt 9 plus check on my younger son Samuel who now comfirm hvin the chicken pox by the doc at kk hospital last nite....Thanks God his fever hv come down n he slept well last nite after given him the medicine which help him to lesser the chicken pox n itch in his body....gonna rush to market to get the winter melon , sugar cane , water chestnut to boil into drinks for him to consum this few days....Worst of all there are many things dat now he can't take as per normal which some elders being advise for this period of time eg: eggs, chicken , nuts , beans n seafood most important is black saucers.....i reali dunno how or wat den can give him to consum den.....went to supermarket at ntuc grab some sweets , potato chips , ribena drink n seaweed for him this few days til he can settle down n feel better....This time round need to handle this kind of things by ourselve without the elderly around is kind of emotional feelin...As far as i can remember when my gal is hvin this kind of happening during my mother in law is still around she wil be able to advise n cook for the kids plus keep remindling us wat can give or wat cannot give the kid....all of the sudden i feel sad n miss my in law very much she's as close as she's my own mother....She taught me alot of skill in handling baby n advise me how to handle kids in different ways n situation....guess she give me more attention in all this cos since young i'm without any parent loves or cares.....She does live in part of me day in day out thus she hv gone to heaven almost 3 yrs ....wonder she will remember me too! or when a person dead they are free in this world til the extend dat they dun even remember their love ones at all just wonder what is all about after death in life how much does the soul can feel or think when without the physical body intact.....guess i wil never hv the answer loh not until i'm in the path of death rite??

A Very Special Nite

2005-11-02T03:10:00.000-08:00

I was awake rather late today due to heavy med dat i took last nite cos of my asthma attack all of e sudden....plus middle of e nite with leg muscle cramp it was so painful till i almost in tears....Thanks to my hubby he came around hearin me in pain n help me with some ointment rub den i went back to my sleep....I was very excited cos this evening am going to attend the remembrance of the popular singer Teresa Teng concert i love most of her song since i was a teenage gal guess i wil never forget the song moon repesent my heart when this song is sang during the concert i almost in tears n of cos there are other songs which also nearly sent me in tears.....well i also enjoy the gal who play the Er Hu so well till i'm surprise dat i fall for it n i love it too....Most of all my colleague my friends n my sister in law they enjoy well throughtout the whole entire concert nite.....after the concert my sister in law wanted to go for e supper at Jalan Kayu loti prata wow it's terrible loh gonna wait for 1 hr to be served n shock to my life dat 1pc of cheese prata cost $2.50 but my boy Stanley love it he place an order of 3pcs at one go......well already 3:05am still couldn't sleep mind still wide awake cos there r so many things to think off dat's me wonderin ??? shall i take my sleep induce pills to drown myself to sleep n stop thinkin n thinkin with problems dat unable to solve for e time being......

Saturday

2005-10-29T19:00:00.000-07:00

=== Saturday Fever ===
As per normal working as usaul quiet n bore cos not much activaties goin on in e early morning due to it's Saturday morning so went to look for Pauline my pervious room attendant asking her if she is interested to join us on e Wednesday Teresa Teng concert she was so happy dat i hv two tickets for her cos she n her husband love oldeis song very much....start getting busy at abt 10 plus still can manage the operation flow smooth n silky as it use to be....bcos of this i tend to dreams n sail to my own fairy land....wonder how long more i gonna live in this manner althought life did treat me well n tender but there's still lots of things i hasn't hv it in life ....I wan to run my own business drive my own car n dun hv to wori abt daily expense day in day out dat sort of life.....I can hv free n easy day n times learn something which i love very much like flowers arrangement kitting designer decor or either sit in e semimar listen to the speaker tellin u wat is new in market or either how u wannna b a better person in future to target the market in this earth cos the changes is so fast til at time u find dat u r lost in d twilight zone.....at times wonder am a woman who ask too much thing in life where there r some woman can live on very simlpe n contended y can't i just like them? Friendly speaking i wish i can be like them simple n easily contended which i hv told myself over thousand n thousand times but still i'm different cos i can't i'm curious abt people successful in life by how do they do it?? n y can't i??was it by luck or by hardwork? or actual fact need boths....

Just return back to work...

2005-10-28T23:35:00.000-07:00

=== Just Returned Back To Work ===
After 2 days medical leave reali can't wait to return to e work place.....buddies all got lots of things to up date me abt wat's goin on the pass 3 days happenin....till i received e news dat David hv pass away 2months ago with sudden heart attack Shocking to hear dat cos as far as i can remember he's a strong n healthy man.....thus wasn't close to him cos once upon a time is my buddy hubby i did follow them outin at times remember once's he drove us up to west malaysia just for e purpose of prayin to goddress for health luck n family well being....life reali very short n nobody call tell nor keep promise dat death won't knock at your door any moment....laterly my dear childhood buddy keep cautious me abt e bird flu happening all over e countries in this earth den b4 i can disguest it next working buddies keep me up date abt the dengue fever outbreak in Sin......scary isn't it? very indeed loh.....the world seem crazy n out of hand in control of human life cos everyone seem very fragil any time wil break n disapear anytime at any where.....

First Day Writing Blog

2005-10-27T07:28:00.000-07:00

=== My Day 1 writing Blog ===
My first blog created with the help of my gal ....Guess is something new and excited it's also very festinated cos while goin throught the blog skin there's lots of beautiful n loveily picture for the creation...as if in e twilight zone which will draw u in and stay there as long as u wish....well in real life we gonna work hard to survive and things dun look promising as it's use to be....but wil do my best in life this is me..